I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
