So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
MIDGETS
????
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
