I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
