Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
