im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How's work?
Spinning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
