well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize