Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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