i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
