I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
