We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
