No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
