3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
