Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
