To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
