No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
