Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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