is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
