Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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