new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
