Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
