4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
