In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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