i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
