youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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