According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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