WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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