So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
