What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just pee around me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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