the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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