I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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