My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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