is your mom at the bar?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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