Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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