Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
