im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
third nipple confirmed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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