I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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