You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
