whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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