Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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