She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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