I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
