He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
