dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
