White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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