guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
