Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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