I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
