i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
