gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
