i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
