Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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