Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
