well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
