my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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