if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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