He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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