"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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