she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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