EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
