i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
