she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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