Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
