my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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