I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize