Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
