I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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