Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
false alarm, still single
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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