I'm going to jail i love you
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
