I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
