actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
