i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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