I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
