if you like me you must not know who I am
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
