AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's rum buckets o'clock
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize