dude i'm inner monologue high
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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