Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
