Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
