girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
