he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
