in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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