So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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