They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
