You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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