My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
