I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
