at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
