dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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