if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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