I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
