he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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