i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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