dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
