Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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