doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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